Good Manners & Dancing Go Hand-in-Hand

Story by Rose Talbot
Photography by Ed Mann

How many times as an adult have you found yourself in an awkward situation? You meet the company president in the elevator and you're at a loss for words. Or everyone is dancing at a wedding, but you have two left feet and they're pointed in opposite directions. How do you appear calm on a job interview when you're as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair store?

While some people have an almost magical ability to seem at ease in any situation, it may not be luck of the gene pool, but rather, basic etiquette survival skills learned at a young age.

Across Southern Maryland, students gather in their suits and party dresses to learn these social graces through the Jon D. Williams Cotillion program. The young ladies wear white gloves and the gentlemen wear jackets and ties.

Students from third to eighth grades gather for the five-week session. They are split into two classes: third through fifth grades and sixth through eighth. Each class begins with a receiving line so students can practice introduction and hand-shaking skills - "make eye contact, use a good clear voice and keep a firm grip."

Each week, an instructor visits from Jon D. Williams Cotillion headquarters in Colorado. The classes are coordinated with others in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area to decrease the cost of the visiting instructors. Instructors cover basics like maintaining good posture, how to tie a necktie, how and when to curtsy or bow, and the importance of courtesy and consideration. They also cover little tricks to project confidence even when it's lacking - eye contact and posture play a big part - and having a reserve of polite questions to put others at ease.

And then the dance lessons start. Immediately, eyes are diverted to the floor. Feet shuffle. Tiny voices get even smaller. But then the cotillion instructor puts everyone at ease with a light joke.

She explains how to ask a partner to dance; how to guide a partner to the dance floor; even how to make appropriate small talk while waiting for the music to begin. The dancing starts out with a simple box-step waltz and progresses to swing dance, fox trots and more complicated ballroom dances. Veteran cotillion students help by demonstrating steps.

This is also where the white gloves play a critical role. "The gloves make (the younger children) comfortable because sometimes they don't like touching each other when dancing," explained Dawn Szot, Southern Maryland cotillion organizer.

At one end of the room, excited parents with covert cameras execute their own dance of trying to appear disinterested whenever their child looks over, but ready to capture the precious moments when the children begin dancing.

About halfway through the dancing, the children's eyes go wide when refreshments are brought out. The cookies and punch are another teaching tool. The children must line up and the boys escort the girls to the refreshment table. The gentlemen must serve their partner first and properly escort the young ladies back to a chair. The following week, the roles will be reversed when it's ladies choice for dance partners. Fine dining skills are covered in later sessions.

By the end of the class, the children are giggling and having fun with a ballroom dance version of musical chairs, where the object is to dance with as many different partners before the music stops.

Cotillion in Southern Maryland began more than 12 years ago when Szot was looking for a way to teach these social skills to her own daughters. "I was trying to teach those skills at home and I needed some outside reinforcement," she said. The closest program she could find was two hours away, so she set about organizing a program in Southern Maryland.

"How you act is not only a reflection of your character, it is also a demonstration of your education," Szot said. "Some of (the children) might not appreciate it for years, but they will eventually."

This fall, classes were held at Annmarie Garden in the new Arts Building. The next session will begin after the New Year at the Old South Country Club in Lothian. The group, which is headed by parent volunteers, is looking to expand with a third session in Charles County in the near future.

Visit www.cotillion.com for more information.